What's Been Missing...

I felt like I had been searching for something that was just unattainable. It was such an empty feeling. And I tried my hardest to fill it with something anything...sex, drank, fire. I tried to surround myself with people so that I wouldn't feel...feel...alone. As soon as the ex-factor would leave, it was like I would no longer have any purpose...what was I supposed to do. So I made a suggestion to him and to myself...church. I mean I was raised in the church, raised to believe in God, sang in the children's choir for 6 years, attended Bible study, etc., etc. And as I got older and older, I lost that one connection that's most important in my life and I was in desperate need to get it back...
When I walked out of the sanctuary doors, it was as if I had been holding my breath under water for months and I finally came up for air...such a fresh breath of air. It felt like the whole lesson was directed at me...it sparked whatever in me needed to be sparked. I definitely had to make church a part of my weekly routine or at least continue to rebuild my relationship with the one above...

50% Single

So myself and the ex-factor technically broke up in September but nothing has really changed between us. It's like we're together but we're not. I think the actual title put too much pressure on both of us and all we seemed to do was fight. We thought "taking a break" and giving each other that much needed space would somehow make our "relationship" stronger. The only thing was he didn't want me with anyone else and I felt the same...but the point of a break is to branch out and talk to other people. So one of our guidelines was no physical contact with another person but making money moves was acceptable and very crucial. It seemed almost fair to start considering myself 50% single. And he actually liked the idea of it too until he was back to his old ways and all of sudden he just seemed single...